February 9, 2010

How to Mystic Tan Like a Pro


Ross: I went to the tanning place your wife suggested.
Chandler: Was that place the sun?



Remember when I said I was a master of Mystic Tan? Several of you wanted to know more so here are a few tips for the palefaces.

1. Shower, shave and exfoliate.
2. Do not moisturize. (Use lotion only on extremely dry knees and elbows.)
3. Wear loose clothing.
4. Once inside the machine, stand with your arms out like the girl pictured below. Remember to separate your fingers. (Think, jazz hands!)


5. Tilt your head back at a slight angle so you get an even tan on your face and neck.
6. When it's time to turn around, hold your arms out the same way as before, but keep your hands in front of your body this time. (This prevents a double spray on your hands.)
7. When you get out, immediately wipe off your hands and feet. Your hands and feet will still hold some color. Wiping them off will prevent them from being too dark.


8. Lightly dab the rest of your body with a towel. Dabbing, not wiping, will prevent streaks and an uneven tan.
9. You'll want to avoid sweating and showering for the next 6 to 8 hours. (Personally, I spray tan at night. I wait until the next morning to shower.)
10. After your first shower, you can moisturize like normal.

*For me, a Mystic Tan typically lasts 7 days.
**If I'm trying to get tan for a special event, I will spray a second time 72 hours later.
***Chlorine and salt water will cause the tan to fade faster.
****Mystic Tan isn't right for everyone, but you won't know until you try.
*****Getting a great Mystic Tan takes time. If you don't get it right the first time, try again.

I hope these tips help you achieve the perfect Mystic Tan. If you end up looking like Lindsay Lohan, it's because you can't follow instructions. Don't blame me.

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February 8, 2010

Fancy Pants Party Pics, Part II


My boss is awesome.





My coworkers are pretty awesome too.





In case you couldn't tell, we had a lot of fun posing for pictures.









The fun eventually wore off I got tired of smiling.



Sidenote: I took an Ambien before I finished this post. I hope it makes sense.

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Fancy Pants Party Pics, Part I


I posted some teaser photos over a week ago. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you can see them here, here and here. I didn't forget about the pictures, but did find myself rather busy. The pictures are from my work's annual awards banquet. One night a year I get to dress up, eat fancy food and pretend I'm famous. Ok, I don't pretend I'm famous, but you get the point. This is the third year I've attended, but the first year I went alone. The Hero didn't feel like renting a tux again. I certainly had a lot of fun shopping for the event. I bought a dress, shoes, a clutch, earrings, and a bracelet. I even got my nails done and spray tanned. I always have fun, but this year's banquet was something to rave about. My boss hired an Elvis impersonator. He sang throughout the evening, danced with the ladies and put on a great show for us. Here are some pictures from our fun night.

My coworker and friend, Heather, decorated the tables.




Here I am with Terri from Peace, Love and Applesauce. Don't we look fabulous in our pretty dresses and matching Nina heels?


Here we are with Heather.


And, here we are with Casey.


The lucky guy with Heather and Terri is Derek. Derek reads my blog when he should be working so he obviously gets bonus points with me. Hi, Derek!


McElvis changed outfits with each set he performed. If you or anyone you know needs an Elvis impersonator for a party or private event, he's the best.










The rest of the pictures are coming right up. I promise.

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February 6, 2010

If I were...


If I were a month, I'd be September.
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Saturday.
If I were a time of day, I’d be 1 pm.
If I were a planet, I’d be Venus.
If I were a sea animal, I’d be a dolphin.
If I were a direction, I’d be southwest.
If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a bed.
If I were a liquid, I’d be an ice cold Coke.
If I were a gemstone, I’d be a diamond.
If I were a tree, I’d be a Douglas Fir.
If I were a tool, I’d be a screwdriver.
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be clear skies and a cool breeze.
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a guitar.
If I were a color, I’d be hot pink.
If I were an emotion, I’d be content.
If I were a mythical creature, I'd be a vampire.
If I were a fruit, I’d be a green apple.
If I were a sound, I’d be laughter.
If I were a car, I’d be a silver Volvo.
If I were a food, I’d be cheese dip.
If I were a place, I’d be home.
If I were a material, I’d be flannel.
If I were a taste, I’d be hot chocolate.
If I were a scent, I’d be smoke from a chimney.
If I were an object, I’d be a camera.
If I were a body part, I’d be a muscular bicep.
If I were a facial expression, I’d be a sarcastic one.
If I were a song, I’d be Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I were a pair of shoes, I'd be platform heels.
If I were a flower, I'd be a daisy.

What would you be?

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February 5, 2010

The Talk of Tinseltown; Fast Cars & Golden Girls


Rue McClanahan, who played Blanche on the Golden Girls, is currently in the hospital after suffering a stroke. Betty White sent her flowers with a personal note.

"I hope you die so I can be the last Golden Girl!"

Oh, that Betty White is such a character.


Do you love Paul Walker and Vin Diesel as much as I do? I'm guessing not, but I don't care. They've both signed on for a fifth movie in the Fast and Furious franchise. Laugh all you want, but I will be dragging The Hero to the theatre for this one. I love me some hot boys in fast cars.


The Los Angeles Police Department and District Attorney's office are currently arguing over whether or not to press charges against Michael Jackson's doctor, Conrad Murray. If charged, Dr. Murray plans to surrender to police with a plea of not guilty. Yes, Michael Jackson had to know he was killing himself, but his doctor should be held accountable for his actions. He certainly shouldn't be allowed to practice medicine ever again.


The LAPD are currently searching for the individual who stole and crashed Charlie Sheen's car early this morning. Charlie received a call from OnStar alerting him to the crash. He told a reporter it was nice to have the police come to his house without having to leave with them. Charlie, I think it's a little too soon to be joking about pulling a knife on your wife.


An estimated 1.2 million copies of Michael Jackson's, This Is It, have been sold. This is believed to be a record for first-week sales of a music film. I totally bought a copy and made The Hero watch it with me.


Brittany Murphy's autopsy results were released to the public yesterday. The primary causes of death were pneumonia and severe anemia. She also had several legal drugs in her system which could have pushed her body to the brink. The coroner believes she would have lived had she seen a doctor.


Evangeline Lilly may retire from acting when Lost ends this season.

"Acting is something I appreciate, and I think it’s been an amazing experience, but I’m not passionate about acting the way you probably should be to call yourself an actor."

Well, ok then.



The Talk of Tinseltown was brought to you today by...


George W. Bush & a crying baby

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February 4, 2010

I've been ruined.


I haven't been able to truly fall in love with a book since Twilight. I've tried and failed a couple of times. I'm currently reading Dune Road by Jane Green. It's my first read of the new year. (Yes, I know how sad this is.) I've read and loved all of Jane's books so I'm hoping this one can get me out of my reading funk.

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Ms Britney Pic(s) of the Week; Caffeine Lover



The Hero and I went to Starbucks last night. I was thinking to myself, "Man, I love me some Starbucks." You know who else loves Starbucks?



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February 3, 2010

Guest Blogger at Handbag Heaven


I'm a guest blogger at Handbag Heaven today. I modeled some clothes with my favorite bag. Trust me. You don't want to miss it. Check it out!

My Modeling Debut

Thank you, Handbag Heaven. I had a lot of fun with my post.

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February 2, 2010

Music's Biggest Night


Did you watch The Grammys on Sunday night? You know I did. My poor husband wanted to go to bed, but got sucked in because I wouldn't turn the tv off. He had a few questions during the Michael Jackson tribute. Who is that? Who is that? Who is that? That's Celine Dion?! (For the record, he recognized Usher.) The most exciting moment for The Hero was seeing Lil Wayne, Drake and Eminem perform. He loves him some gangsta rap. Anyway, most of the show bored me. Thankfully, we got home late so I was able to fast forward through the crap I didn't want to see. The performances of the night belonged to the ladies. Gaga, Beyonce and Pink rocked the house.


Beyonce


Britney


Jennifer Hudson


Snooki


Kathy Griffin


Sheryl Crow


Lady Gaga


Adam Lambert


Mario Lopez


Ricky Martin


The Jonas Brothers


Lady Gaga


Pink


Ke$ha & Heidi Klum


Kristen Bell & Nicole Kidman


Clockwise: Jennifer Lopez, Carrie Underwood, Rihanna, Pink


Clockwise: Beyonce, Keri Hilson, Colbie Caillat, Katy Perry


Clockwise: Fergie, Miley Cyrus, Mary J. Blige, Taylor Swift

What the hell is Britney Spears wearing? Can anyone tell me?
Jennifer Hudson looks great.
Snooki looks like a hooker.
I remember when Ricky Martin performed Livin' La Vida Loca at the Grammys. It's one of my favorite Grammy moments.
I think Pink looks great. The dress is perfect for her and perfect for the event.
I love Keri Hilson's dress. It's so pretty.
Stop the presses. Katy Perry's boobs aren't showing.
Fergie's dress is hot.
Miley looks like she's trying too hard.
Taylor Swift looks all grown up.

PS - Lady Gaga is the shit.

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iLove Tuesday Tunes; Tik Tok


This week's song is one I tried really hard not to like. It's pretentious. It's dumb. It's also catchy as hell.

Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy
Grab my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
'Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back


I'm afraid to listen to Ke$ha's entire album for fear of liking it.




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