August 14, 2009

The Talk of Tinseltown
Teen Choice Awards 2009

This entry, although late, still counts. It was posted exactly one minute before midnight. Whew!

Put down the knife. Rob and Megan aren't dating. I repeat... Rob and Megan aren't dating.

Heidi Montag posed for Playboy. According to her interview with the magazine, she has at least twenty orgasms a day with her husband. When did Spencer Pratt change his name to the Silver Bullet?

Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant after forgetting to take her birth control pills a time or two. I think it's a safe assumption that Kourtney, her baby daddy and their accidental spawn will get a reality show on E.

Michael Phelps was in a minor fender bender. His abs were not harmed in the accident.

Jeremy Piven has a new movie coming out called The Goods. He promoted it on an episode of Big Brother. Even he's disgusted.

Guitar legend, Les Paul, died at the age of 94. Rock on, dude.

Miley Cyrus needs a mentor.

Taylor Lautner needs to stop being so cute. I could go to jail.

Ashley Greene flashed a little too much pink. If you want your boyfriend to see you naked, invite him over for milk and cookies. (milk and cookies = sex) If you take a naked picture of yourself, expect him to share it with at least ten of his friends.

Kristen Stewart wore a skirt with knives on it. I think those are knives. It doesn't really matter. If she's trying to scare and piss off her fans, it's working. She should stop trying so hard. Her acting alone will do it.

Vanessa Hudgens had nude photos leak for the second time. I'll reiterate what Dane Cook said to her at the Teen Choice Awards.

"Girl, you gots to keep your clothes on. Phones are for phone calls, girl."

Britney Spears can clean up nice when she wants to. Why doesn't she want to every day?

Kate didn't approve of a babysitter Jon hired to watch their kids. This would be the babysitter he hired to watch the kids while he was at home. This would also be the babysitter he likes to have sexy times with once the kids go to sleep. Kate showed up. He locked her out. She called the police. I'm sorry, but this sounds an awful lot like an episode of COPS.

The Talk of Tinseltown was brought to you today by...

Cameron Diaz


KK said...

Now I'm all caught up, thanks! Can't believe that knife skirt! How does she sit?

JennyMac said...

This made me crack up..great commentary. Until I read about Spencer Pratt and 20 orgasms in one day. She must have meant with some one else. LOL.

Kristina P. said...

Well, according to my US Weekly, and People, which are sitting in front of me, R Patz and Kristen have finally started dating. Precious. Let me go give a crap now.

Karen M. Peterson said...

I do kind of have to agree with you about Taylor Lautner. He is over 18, right??

Amber said...

Like I said in my last blog, I would do so many dirty things to Taylor. I don't care if he's legal or not!

Heidi: we all know it's a lie, he's probably only worried about pleasing himself anyway!

And as for Kristen Stewart, you know I agree completely. I can't say enough about how much I dislike her.

The Rambler said...

Whoa...I never looked at Phelps like THAT before. (I don't know why I didn't...but damn)

Kate and Jon...every show I watch of her talking to him I am surprised he lasted as long as he did.

I know I keep saying it...but I love love love when you do this. I don't get my People (trying to behave and not spend) so this is a good alternative. :)

Ally Wasmund said...

I loooove your blog!

I'm a new follower as of today :)

Summer said...

Heidi makes me want to throw up a little bit.