If you know me, you know I love Adam Sandler. I could sit and watch his movies all day. Does this speak volumes about what kind of person I am? I'm sure it does. My favorite Sandler flick will forever be Billy Madison. I could watch this movie over and over again. I can't tell you how many times I've seen it. I can quote every line. I will not change the channel if it's on. Even if there's only three minutes left, you can bet your ass I'm going to sit on the couch until it's over. Luckily enough, my husband loves it too. Please enjoy some of my favorite quotes from Billy Madison.
Billy: I'm sorry. I can't hear you. I've been physically abused in the ear! I see your lips moving, but I can't make out the words. I'm deaf!
Billy: I drew the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before, and to be honest with you, I wanted to see a blue duck.
Billy: The part in the story I don't like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn't put posters up or anything. He just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy's gotta think. You got a pet. You got a responsibility. If your dog is lost, you don't look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that f***ing dog!
Billy: Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair. Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth. Oh really, fool?! Really!
Stop looking at me swan!
Billy: You ain't cool unless you pee your pants. Everybody my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.
Old Farm Lady: If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
Billy: Oh, that was the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life!
Game Show Host: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Old Man Clements: Who the hell is it? What do you want? Judas Priest, Barbara, it's one of those flaming bags again.
Wife: Don't put it out with your boots, Ted.
Old Man Clements: Don't tell me my business, devil woman. Call the fire department. This one's outta control! *sniffs* It's poop again. I'll get you damn kids for this. You're all gonna die!
Billy Madison: He called the shit "poop".
Maid: If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.
Lunch Lady: Have some more sloppy joes. I made 'em extra sloppy for yous. I know how yous kids like 'em sloppy.
Billy Madison: Lady, you're scaring us.
Bus Driver: That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ass. I know from experience dude. If you know what I mean...
Billy Madison: No, you don't.
Bus Driver: Well, not me personally but a guy I know. Him and her GOT IT ON! Wooo-eee!
Billy Madison: No, they didn't.
Bus Driver: No, no, no they didn't. But you could imagine what it'd be like if they did, right?
Bus Driver: Everybody on? Good. Great. Grand. Wonderful. NO YELLING ON THE BUS!