a pop culture and lifestyle blog

June 25, 2010

F-Bomb Friday

Today's guest post comes to you from Mimi at Living in France. At this point, I can't even remember how I found Mimi. Did she find me? Who knows! What I do know is that she never fails to make me laugh. If you're not following her, you're missing out. She brings the joy, people.




Hi everyone! I'm so completely freakin' flattered that hotpants™ asked me to do a guest post for her! She's my homegirl. <--- She taught me that homegirl is, indeed, one word. Where would we all be without her?! I shudder to even think about it. If you don't know me or read my blog, then you are so missing out probably don't know about my weekly feature, F-Bomb Friday. It is the feature in which I share some douchey embarrassing story where I usually come off looking really stupid or bad. Sometimes they are not so funny, like maybe twice. Hey, I try to keep it light over in France.

Without anymore yammering, here is an F-Bomb Friday for ya. And, people, I saved this one. I saved it for you!

Okay, maybe I was too embarrassed to post it on my blog which may or may not because my aunt reads it. You will understand what that means when I shut the heck up and just get on with it.


This is the one in which I scope out members of the opposite sex at a funeral.


And, yeah, I'm a married stay at home mom who is a bit on the fat pleasantly plump side.


I had no business checking anyone out.


Especially at a funeral.


Let me clarify that.


Especially at my Grandmother's funeral.


Yes.


I'm a complete asshat sometimes.


Onto the good stuff.


Here we are, my entire family and a few close friends who I don't know, in a church. We're gathered in our Sunday best to pay our last respects to my 83 year old grandmother. There were a bunch of people from out of town there who I didn't recognize. Family and friends both.


So, I'm sitting there worrying about my stupid pantyhose and I notice a nice looking man across the lobby.


I'm thinking that I like his goatee... he's slim, tall, blond (which usually isn't my thing) and looks pretty stylish.


Wonder if he's single?


**checks the ring finger**


Yep. Single!


Does he have a girlfriend?


**looks for women around him**


Nope. Just my cousins.*


Wonder how old he is?


**tries to see if there are wrinkles**


Hm. Not old, but older than me.


Wonder if he's friendly...


**smiles at him**


Yep, he's friendly! Smiled back!


Must find out his name.


**leans over and asks my mom, "Who's that guy over there?"**


"Oh, that's Chris.** You know. Your cousin."




***sounds of tires coming to a screeching halt***




Oh.My.Hell.


In my defense (and I totally need one here) I hadn't seen Chris in 8 years.


And.


Tell me you don't check for wedding rings on good looking guys whether you're married or not.


What?


You don't?


Whatever.


*Hello. Cousins? Should've been a red flag on that one.


**Like I'm gonna use his real name. I have to protect the innocent. And myself.


Thank you for letting me guest post, hotpants™!
Have a great weekend, everyone!

36 comments

MommyLovesStilettos said...

LMAO! That's hilarious!!! :)

magnolia said...

haha - don't feel bad; same thing happened to me at my great-grandmother's funeral. he was a step-cousin who i hadn't seen in forever and a day, which was one thing. complicating factor: he was 22... i was 14. oops.

PeaceLoveApplesauce said...

Oh.My.Effin.Gawd... MACEY!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't STOP laughing! Seriously, this is some funny shit- And would totally happen to me!
Please bring your ass to Memphis, we NEED to have a girls night with you! I can only imagine the shit we'd get into! XOXO!

Masala Chica said...

oh no. mimi - i don't know if i have resorted to checking out my cousins - but that's ok - we all read "flowers in the attic" - we get it.

Laughing too hard to write something witty . . .

MWAH!
Kiran

Sare said...

awesome.

Brandy said...

you are such a funny girl. And I always check the ring finger then the gaydar.

Shawn said...

Your a hot mess girl and I love ya!

Sara said...

Oh MiMi... I don't know what else to say.

No judgment. Just... oh, MiMi.

Sheila said...

No judgment on you mimi! Because i would NEVER EVER check out hot guys at a funeral!!! hehe! :)

McVal said...

You might be a redneck if you look at funerals as a place to pick up dates... :) Good one Mimi!

sitting on the mood swing at the playground said...

Oh, this is VERY funny! I love that when you checked for girlfriends near him you only saw cousins.

Trixie and Tess said...

HILARIOUS! As always. Just one of the many things we love about Mimi. Ummmmm, I'm trying to think if this has happening to me....ok, I got something. Summer of 1990, I was like 5...ok, not really, I was like 12ish, and I had a HUGE crush on my cousin. He was like my 3rd cousin from another state. It's like we weren't even related...but I didn't kiss him. He might have been 17 and WAY too (cool) old for me.

Thanks for the funny! I needed that.

Tess♥

Salt said...

I do always look at rings! Not because I'm interested, but I guess I just got in the habit after I got engaged.

And I'm sorry, but hotness is just begging to be looked at. Whether you are in the grocery store or at your grandma's funeral. No shame in this.

SurferWife said...

Meems. This is ridiculous.

You are ridiculous.

Do you even understand how much I love you? Do you? And we aren't even cousins.

Sharlene T. said...

Of course, it's pure instinct -- and, he's checking you out, too!...nice to meet you, gonna go and check out your blog...come visit when you can...

Twitter SolarChief

gringationcancun said...

HAHA!! can't say i judge you :)

shortmama said...

Thats straight up awesome right there!

wines constantly said...

Haaaahaha! Oh god, too funny.

I also check for rings. And tan lines where rings have been removed. Because those guys are out there, too...

And speaking of cousins: A couple years ago I was hit on by my cousin. Who knew I was his cousin. Because we were all sitting at the cousins table at our other cousin's wedding. (And then when I left the table, he actually asked another cousin if there were any other hot cousins he didn't know about). Um, just because I haven't seen you in a couple of decades doesn't mean we became un-related!

MommaKiss said...

Um. I check out dads at the playground and at the mall. Haven't been to a funeral in a while, tho...

MiMi said...

Loving the comments!! All my regular follwers just totally saw that coming, they know I'm a stupid ass! LOL

Tracie said...

Classic Mimi moment! By the way, if you were in my home state it would be perfectly acceptable to hook up with your cousin. Or so I've heard.

RAY J said...

I did the same thing at my great grandma's funeral when I was in high school.

My family lives in the midwest while my parents are both from Pennsylvania and most of their relatives live out East so I don't see my cousin's that often.

I was hanging out with the female cousin that's just 2 years younger than me and we noticed this cute guy around our age hanging around but were too shy to go talk to him. I finally asked my mom who he was and she was like "oh that's your cousin so and so..."

my jaw dropped and I was so embarrassed. My dad was standing right there too and heard the whole thing and what did he do? He goes and tells my aunt (this cousin's mom) that me and my other cousin thought her son was hot and didn't realize we were related! I was horrified! LOL...

In my defense though, last time I had seen this particular cousin was when we were both going into junior high!

The Only Girl said...

ha! Good one Mimi! And yes, even though I'm married, I do check for wedding rings.

Sarahviz said...

I totally thought you were gonna say he was the preacher!

Christiejolu said...

HAHAHA! I love you MiMI!

Jane Anne said...

Love it, love it, loooove it!! And yes (small type here- if it was possible in comments), I look for wedding rings on cute guys. Sh, don't tell.

Sara said...

HA!!! That is too freakin' funny.

And.....a girl can always look. Married or not. :)

Tara said...

there's really nothing else to say but.. HAHAHAHA!!! omg.

D said...

Oops. Well, the royal family has some inbreeding in it so why not? Lol.

Much More Than Mommy said...

I actually snorted.

Does it make you feel any better that I once dated a step-cousin?

Myya said...

I think I say this every single time you post an F Bomb Friday... Only you Mimi, only you! : ) Oh & I totally check for a ring, even though I am happily married!

Ed said...

Its a funeral. I saw that coming.

Eternally Distracted said...

Oh Mimi, Mimi, Mimi....

Unknown Mami said...

Hilarious! I can't believe you check out your own relatives.

Fabulous Terrah said...

LOL, too funny! You must have good genes then. :)

Mrs. Petrie said...

Awesome! Reminds me of that 30 Rock when Liz finds out she's been dating her cousin because he has pictures of people from her family in his apartment.