September 28, 2010

LET ME GO ON! {jump, dance, yell}

Whenever I hear Blister in the Sun by the Violent Femmes, I always think of Angela Chase dancing in her bedroom when she realizes she's finally over Jordan Catalano. {Yeah, right.} I want to jump on my bed, run around the room and dance like no one's watching. I want to yell the lyrics as loud as I can. I totally yell when the song comes on my iPod in the car. It's just one of those songs that requires it. Don't you think?

When I'm a walking
I strut my stuff
Then I'm so strung out
I'm high as a kite
I just might
Stop to check you out

Let me go on
Like a blister in the sun
Let me go on
Big hands I know you're the one

The video is horrible quality, but you get the point.

As I've said before, My So-Called Life is a classic.

September 27, 2010

The Talk of Tinseltown
Crimes of Stupidity

Sesame Street aired a sneak peek of Katy Perry singing with Elmo on YouTube this week. The clip is from the upcoming season, but will never air in its entirety because parents aren't too fond of Katy Perry and her boobs. I'm no prude, but I've always thought Katy Perry should put those things away from time to time. We all know she has a great rack because her boobs are always on display. The Sesame Street people let her wear the dress so it's not entirely her fault.

Come October 31st, Suri Cruise will be decked out in a custom-made princess dress that cost around $6000. A friend tells In Touch she'll be wearing diamonds with her costume. Even if I had billions, my 4-year-old daughter wouldn't be wearing this. She'd be wearing a plastic and nylon Snow White costume that cost $19.95 at Party City.

Spencer and Heidi, who never really split in the first place, are back to whoring themselves out in front of the camera. That's right, everybody. They're together again. *gag*

Courtney Love attended the premiere of Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps looking like this. She certainly cleans up nice when she makes an effort.

Paris Hilton recently flew to Japan on business, was left in an airport hotel while the authorities decided what to do with her and was later sent home for being a bad influence on Japanese society. Japan's not too fond of Americans with drug problems. I guess Lindsay won't be going there anytime soon.

If Japan can ban our criminals from entering their country, why can't we kick them out of ours?

It was a busy week and weekend for Ms. Lohan. She failed several drug tests, had a warrant out for her arrest and appeared before the judge. The judge immediately sent her to jail pending a hearing in late October. As it turns out, this violates California law. Since Linds was charged with a misdemeanor, she is allowed to post bail. She did and is now a free woman.

The stipulations...

- Pay $300,000 bail.
- Be fitted with a SCRAM bracelet within 24 hours of her release.
- Must refrain from drinking.
- Must not take or posses any controlled substances.
- Not allowed to hang out with or around known drug users.
- Not patronize nightclubs or places where alcohol is the 'chief item of sale'.
- Submit to search by law enforcement officials at any time.

I really hope she gets the help she needs whether it be jail and/or rehab. Her family and the system have failed her. Yes, she's old enough to know better, but she has a problem that needs serious attention.

Britney Spears has reportedly enlisted a variety of songwriters to help create tracks for her new album at a writing camp. I don't know what a writing camp is, but it sounds like a lot of fun. I wonder if there are pillow fights and roasted marshmallows. Anywho, I'm ready for new music from Brit Brit.

And, don't forget, It's Britney Bitch will be on Glee tomorrow night!

Want to hear some excellent news? There will be a third installment in the Bill & Ted franchise. Yes, you read that right. Keanu and Alex have both signed on. Dude! I loved these movies growing up. I wonder how they'll put one together today. People from my generation will definitely see it, but what about new viewers? Regardless, I'm totally there.

The Talk of Tinseltown was brought to you today by...

Eva Longoria Parker

September 25, 2010

Early Mornings + Margaritas

If you don't follow me on Facebook or Twitter, let me fill you in. My laptop is toast. The motherboard needs to be replaced. I'm not about to spend $300 on a part when I can buy a new PC for around $500. A new computer is not in the budget right now, but we'll probably get one later in the year when there are great holiday deals. For now, I'm using a loaner laptop. The Hero's friend and fellow firefighter lent us one of his. He's a computer nerd and has several. Since I don't know how long we'll be able to keep it, I'm going to get busy posting here at Handbags & Handguns. This will definitely include a Tinseltown post on Monday.

My lovely children woke me up at 6:30 this morning. They don't yet understand the luxury of weekends. This is something we'll be working on. The only reason I'm not going out of my mind is because I have something fun to look forward to tonight. I'm going out with girlfriends for Mexican and margaritas. There will be talking, laughing and picture taking.

I hope all of you, my bloggin' besties, have fabulous weekends. It's supposed to rain and cool off here. I can't tell you how exciting this is. It's been hovering near 100 for the last week.

Come out, come out
Wherever you are

September 23, 2010

I'd like to thank the inventor
of the DVR.

Since my computer is still out of service, I thought I'd fill you in on what tv shows will be filling up my DVR this fall. You might want to grab a drink and/or snack. This could take a while.

Chelsea Lately

I religiously watch Ellen and Chelsea Lately. I'm only recording Oprah because it's her last season. I may or may not watch depending upon the topic. Some days I'm simply not in the mood to cry.

As for the late shows, I usually only watch if a favorite celebrity is on. If you were wondering, I'm on Team Letterman.

The Event
Hawaii Five-O

90210 sucked for a bit, but is really really good now.

I've watched the series premieres of The Event and Hawaii Five-O already. Both look promising. The Event has some crazy stuff going on while Hawaii Five-O has hot cops with their shirts off.

No Ordinary Family

Parenthood was great last season and is already proving to be great again.

No Ordinary Family premieres next week. I'm tuning in to support Julie Benz (Rita) from Dexter. I hope it's good.

Cougar Town
Modern Family

Hellcats is a show about cheerleaders who live here in Memphis. It's cheesy and full of crap, but I love it.

Modern Family and Cougar Town are the funniest sitcoms on tv.

The Vampire Diaries
$#*! My Dad Says
Grey's Anatomy
Private Practice
Project Runway
The Mentalist

TVD is full of vampires, teenage lust and now... hot werewolves. It's 'must-see tv', people.

I adore William Shatner. Call it a grandpa crush if you will. Plus, his new show looks really funny.

Grey's and PP have a lot to live up to after great seasons last year.

Project Runway is... well, fabulous. This season's great because Gretchen doesn't know what a huge bitch she is.

The Mentalist is starting its 3rd season. It's my fave crime show. It's clever and highly entertaining.

Blue Bloods

Outlaw is a new show with Jimmy Smits. I've only seen one episode. I did not love it, but will give it another chance.

Blue Bloods is a cop show with Tom Selleck and Donnie Wahlberg. It starts tomorrow.

I've seen every episode of Smallville. This is the show's final season. Even though it mostly sucks now, I will see it through until the end.


On Saturdays, I usually watch college football, 48 Hours and catch up on the week's shows.

Desperate Housewives
Brothers & Sisters

I start Sunday nights off with crazy women and an even crazier family and end the night with my favorite serial killer.

So, what shows are you watching this season?

What new shows are you excited for?

What shows did you miss?

This entry was brought to you by my Motorola Droid.

September 20, 2010

Thwarted Plans

When I finally feel better, I can't post. Why, you ask? The one and only computer in the house has died. What's with all the bad luck? I hope we can get it fixed quickly, but can't say for sure until we know what's wrong with it. If it weren't for all the tv shows premiering this week, I would probably go insane. My laptop and I are besties. Until she's fixed, you can find me complaining on Twitter.

September 17, 2010

Rolling with the Sickness

I have a long list of blog posts to put together. I'm not sure where to even begin. I've been putting things off for almost a month. That's how long Little Man's been in school. That's also how long I've been sick. As soon as I start to feel better, I end up sick again. I finally called the doctor's office and asked for some different medicine. This time they called in an antibiotic. I started taking it yesterday so we'll see how the next few days go. What I can't seem to get rid of is the nasty sinus drainage and annoying cough that goes along with it. I actually pulled a muscle in my neck from coughing so much. The neck strain then caused some pretty relentless headaches. It's almost laughable at this point. Don't you think?

I plan to spend the weekend catching up on fall tv shows. Man, there's a lot of good shows on these days. {Expect a post on this soon.} I also hope to finally finish The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I'm really enjoying it, but put it down over a week ago because I couldn't stay focused. If the weather's nice, I plan to sit outside while my kids chase each other around the yard. Speaking of my kids, they're growing up way too fast. Little Man will be 5 next month. Little Bit will turn 2 in November. Being home with them, although a bit inconvenient, has been a blast. Little Bit gets so excited when we pick Little Man up from school. She doesn't act sad when he's away, but boy is she happy when he gets in the car. They may drive me insane from time to time, but I do love them so.

I've been consistently looking for work. Job hunting is not fun. I may have something lined up soon, but I refuse to talk about it until I know it's certain. There's a lot of red tape and hoops to jump through. Let's all say a prayer for hotpants™, ok?

September 14, 2010

2010 MTV VMA Fashion
The Manly Men + The Jersey Shore

Cory Monteith
a suit with shiny sneakers = ew

Dane Cook
a wrinkled hanes v-neck = lazy

color coordinated = dapper

Joe Manganiello
a werewolf in leather = hot

Justin Timberlake
jt = i'd hit that

all black with purple & fuschia shoes = no

Johnny Knoxville
a jackass in a sailor hat = loves

Usher = yes
Bieber = no

30 Seconds to Mars
a band who matches = not bad

The Jersey Shore cast
boobs & abs covered = win

2010 MTV VMA Fashion
Ladies of the Night

Audrina Patridge
too much silver

Rosario Dawson
don't like those shoes with that dress at all

Hayley Williams
not loving the styling & colors going on here

Sofia Vergara
the dress could have been shorter

Emma Stone
some color would have been better

Bethenny Frankel
cute & casual, but not loving the hair

Evan Rachel Wood
scares me

not with those shoes

Selena Gomez
wrong color & style for her

it works for her

Jane Lynch
everything fits just right

Miranda Cosgrove
Look, it's iCarly!

2010 MTV VMA Fashion
Stand Outs of the Night

Chelsea Handler

I'm guessing this is what she wore before her hosting duties started.

Compared to the hot numbers she wore during the show, this is boring.

Ashley Greene

I don't love it, but I don't hate it either.

It's hard to hate anything she does because she's just so pretty.

Katy Perry

During her red carpet interview, she said she felt like an ice skater.

She's right because that's exactly what she looks like.

Does anyone else think these shoes are butt ugly?

Since Russell Brand couldn't be there, she put stickers of his face on her nails.


Her dress is made of garbage bags.

Considering how she usually looks, this isn't that bad.

2010 MTV VMA Fashion
Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga arrived in Alexander McQueen.

Love her or hate her, she's original.

I think she looked fantastic.

She changed into this Armani frock next.

It was very Gaga, but I still prefer the first look.

And last, but not least, The Ga changed a third time.

To accept her moon man for Video of the Year,

she wore an outfit

made out of


What do you think of Lady Gaga's fashion sense?