January 19, 2011

Something every woman should know before giving birth


No one ever told me about the 'pee issues' I'd experience after giving birth. When I laugh, I pee a little. When I sneeze, I pee a little. When someone scares me, I pee a little. Sometimes, when I sit down, I pee a little. Sometimes, when I stand up, I pee a little. Sometimes, like this week, I lose all bladder control and wet my pants for no apparent reason. By wet my pants, I mean I had to go put on another pair. My mom didn't share this with me. My girlfriends didn't share this with me. My doctor didn't share this with me. I didn't exactly ask, but that's not the point.

Who thinks to ask, "Will I piss myself occasionally after having a baby?" "Will I need to keep an extra set of clothes in my car, so I don't smell like urine all day?" "When I pee in the restroom, will it be so loud that I want to cry out in embarrassment?" "Should I call ahead to places I'm going, to find out where their restroom is located, so I can get there as fast as possible when I arrive?" "Will my husband think I'm crazy when I can't make it home from the restaurant and have him stop somewhere in between so I don't pee in his truck?"

No woman ever thinks to ask these things. Loss of bladder control should have its own chapter in every pregnancy book. It should be on the warning label of both birth control pills and condoms. Hell, somebody should put it on a billboard. And yes, I did the Kegel exercises the doctor suggested. Those can only help so much. Some things will never be the same after giving birth. This just happens to be one of them. If you read this, you can't say you haven't been warned. From one human to another, I beg of you, please pass this on.

Bonus Fun Fact:

Ever notice how Britney Spears is always using public restrooms?

Ever sat and wondered why?

Girlfriend's had two kids.

THAT'S WHY!



I apologize if I made any of you moms out there pee a little just now.

I can sympathize. I peed no less than three times while putting this post together.

46 comments:

Simone said...

OMG, too funny!!

Just one of many things that if you knew them BEFORE getting pregnant and giving birth, you might just think twice. Obviously it is all worth it, but you know what I mean....!!

Labour itself (a whole other post I know, maybe we shouldn't even go there) frightened me so much that beforehand I refused to read anything about it. At all. Sometimes it is just better not to know!!

Happy Wednesday you funny lady :)

PeaceLoveApplesauce said...

I just peed a little. Like twice.

MommyLovesStilettos said...

Too funny, and so true! I feel your pain girlfriend. I feel like all I do is pee anymore!

Alicia xoxxo said...

Nope. No one warned me of this. Too late now. I am pg. Thanks for the heads up. I am already well acquainted with the bathroom...sigh....more to look forward to! :)

Suzanne said...

Soooo true, I hate it, image what it's like for the Duggar woman!

Not Everyone's Mama said...

A-freaking-men. I have 4. I'll tell you, bronchitis is hell right now. Though my husband thinks it is incredibly funny. He sucks. And he should have to carry 4 children and learn what it's like to pee every time you cough. LOL

Christina said...

Hilarious and oh so true. My son is almost 2 1/2 and I still pee a little. What’s it going to be like after two kids? I vow to always wear shoes in public restrooms though!

That one girl said...

You are sooo right!

I learned last you to NOT JUMP ON A TRAMPOLINE. EVER!

I totally peed.

And just last night teaching kickboxing, I was doing everything in my power to hold the pee in during jumping jacks.

Kegals don't work, I swear!

Jennee said...

I was not aware of this...thanks for the info though...I guess.

Sarah in deepest, darkest Lomellina said...

I thought I'd get away with not having this, due to the c-sec.

Ha !!! Fat chance, small elephant sized baby pressing on my bladder and surrounding muscles for months caused damage of it's own and now I clench and cross when reading blogs in case of an unexpected giggle.

Olivia Carter said...

Oh man, SO TRUE! No one told me and my in the WORST when I'm sick and coughing every two seconds. I have to do laundry like constantly.

And no one warned me that I'd bleed SO MUCH afterward. TMI, but... clots and stuff. I FREAKED OUT and called the hospital the first time that happened because no one warned me. It was like the size of a clementine. i thought I was going to die.

AJ said...

Thank sweet baby Jesus I haven't had this problem yet. Does it come after the second one? If so, I might have to rethink my plan for having them close together.

Karen Peterson said...

This explains so much about the nights when I go out with my friends who are moms.

Shana said...

I am not yet a mother. However, I have bronchitis right now. Over the weekend I coughed so much that I peed a little. It happened three times. If it's happening now I cringe to imagine what it will be like after kids. Thanks for the heads up!

JG said...

Sew that shit up. Wife needs that done too.

MommyNaniBooboo said...

It's true... NO ONE TOLD ME.
I've got this awful hacking cough right now, and I've changed my undies twice already.

Jenn said...

I completely understand your angst...all too well!

MiMi said...

I have a post in my drafts all about this.
You know recently I went to see a urologist for some pissy issues and they had to see if my bladder had "collapsed" during pregnancy. A not real pleasant "quick pelvic" was performed and it was decided that the bladder had not, in fact, collapsed. I was just a pissy type person.

Krista said...

All I have to say is thank GAWD for c-sections!

Michelle Hoad said...

I was stupid enough to try jumping on the trampoline a while back. It was ugly. And warm, dribbling down my leg.

Impulsive Addict said...

Yep, I totally just peed a little. You are so right. I was the last one out of all my friends to have a baby (some had 3 before I had 1) and not a single one of those bitches told me that I would tittle myself often and sometimes by simply getting up off the couch. Surely someone can fix this. It's getting ridiculous.

Natalie said...

Would you hate me if I told you that even after having 3 kids vaginally, I do not have any potty problems? Not even during pregnancy. Never leaked once.
And I never got 'roids either.

Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic said...

I figured it was because Brit Brit was always drinking that she might have to pee a lot but now this totally makes more sense!

Girl, between you and a few other blogs I am never having kids... [lie] I'm going to adopt from another state here in the US [mild lie, only true if I can't make babies]. I don't wanna have all this change, I"m not comfortable with change... or diapers... my own or a child's!

californiadreamin said...

ah haha! Grrrrreat - the things I have to look forward to. I am putting an extra pair of pants in the car now :)

Mighty M said...

Pretty sure Britney had both of them via Cesarean...which might eliminate the pee thing. I know that appears (for me) to be one of the perks of having them that way.

Natalie said...

lol! You crack me up!! Thanks for sharing with me!! These are the things that I WANT to know going into something like that. Although, with the things that people have shared with me already...the whole kid thing is looking less likely. Talk about freaking me out! :) lol

Venassa said...

Hahahah this is too funny. This is the first I've heard of it so I pray I dont suffer from it afterwards. I pee enough already.

Shelley said...

Unfortunately I have peed while laughing in my life before and I haven't even had children yet. Gah-reat. :-(

Ed said...

We've had a total of four kids.

My wife has this issue too.

When she sneezes, one hands on her nose, the others on her crotch.

When she laughs, it happens. Which isn't normally a big deal, except she's married to ME. I'm occassionally funny. I learned the hard way, it's not a good idea to get her laughing during sex.

Ashley said...

Haha Yep! So true. I literally peed myself laughing while pregnant and have already peed a little since having the baby. I didn't even want to ask at my post baby check up if it was ever gonna go away. I already knew the answer. :)

Date Girl said...

This is why I love my mom blogger friends. You tell it like it is! I consider myself warned. I'm just a little freaked out because I constantly have to pee. I'm terrified of what's going to happen to my sad little peanut sized bladder. Eep.

Meghan said...

Ha! This is great advice for those of us without kids too - I am always looking to hear the real details and no one ever wants to share!

Pam said...

I miss the old days like when Britney would shave her head.

Ashley @ Little Miss Momma said...

I really love you! Like seriously love you and your blog! Like peed in my pants reading this and will be facebooking a link on LMM so that other can pee while they read too!

Mama Jill said...

2 months after I had my baby I caught a cold and sneezed a bunch...... TOTALLY pees my pants in my front yard ...... when company was over!!!!! No lie!!!! I thought it was abnormal!!!! It got better though.... thank god!

Dacia said...

LOL!!! Aint it the truth!

kbloems27 said...

LOL!! I still brace myself everytime I sneeze!! No one told me either, but I have definitely passed the info onto friends, NO ONE should be surprised by that!!

MJ said...

LOL WPMP (while peeing my pants) ;)

No one warned me either. Imagine my shock when I decided jumping rope would be a great way to get my body back in shape after delivering baby #1. Talk about dousing the flames on that fire!

I'm Stephanie said...

New to this site and this post alone has hooked me! So true! The other day I wa beeping the horn on the car, rushing my husband out of the video game store so I could hurry up and go. I couldn't very well leave my 3 toddlers int he car just because nature called--again.
Oh, and P.S.: read The Host. It is great! I heard it's going to be a movie, made by the creator of Gattaka. Love that movie, so excited if this rumor is true!

Dana said...

Yes so very true!! I have a list of all the local public restrooms in my phone in case of an emergency. And now its just intensified being pg all over again. I am wondering that when I am done with this next delivery if I will be permanently in depends?!

BonBon Rose Girls Kristin said...

Jumping jacks sure are different now!

Maureen said...

NO ONE tells you this and it is SO true. Thanks for making me laugh (and pee a little.) My daughter is only 10 months -- I thought maybe this would stop - but I am guessing it doesn't??

Crystal Renee said...

Seriously! My first comment EVER to you, was that I needed to wear depends. Now, here I am at work, weak bladder.. and I think I just tinkled a little!

Maureen said...

I picked this post as one of My Friday Favorites this week. http://mycolorcodedlife.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/my-friday-favorites-042012/
Your whole blog is hilarious!

Tami said...

Oh my gosh. I clicked over here from today's post and I'm mortified. I never knew this, nobody has EVER mentioned it! Now I'm prepared for whenever this time in my life arrives. As prepared as you can be to piss yourself with virtually no warning.

Molly Turnbaugh said...

Pretty sure my fiance has you to thank for kicking my current baby fever to the curb... for now at least!