February 01, 2011

Man Week -- Ian

For the next three days, I will be introducing you to three male bloggers. They follow my blog. I follow theirs. I thought it would be fun to ask each of them the same series of questions so we can see how similar/dissimilar their answers are. Ian's up first. He's one of my bestest Twitter buddies.

Disclaimer: Remember, these are men we're talking about so there will be inappropriate language. It's just how they roll. You'll see my thoughts below in pink.

Name: Ian
Age: 33
Location: Maryland
Superhero Name: Big Cretin
Blog: I Carried A Watermelon

1. Since your wife can't read your mind, what would you like for Valentine's Day other than sex?
More sex.
Just like a man to completely ignore the question.

2. What's one simple thing you wish every woman understood?
The fact that I am crude. I fart. Given the fact that everything I say isn't funny, but most shit is. Get with the program.
He speaks the truth. Ian is both funny and crude.

3. All guys name their penis. Go ahead and tell us what you call yours.
Nothing currently. Used to call it James. As in James Hetfield.
He's referring to this guy, the lead singer of Metallica. Well, that's certainly interesting

4. You're allowed to cheat with 5 celebs. Who are they?
Jenna Fischer, Susanna Hoffs, Jenna Fischer's clone, Susanna Hoffs' clone, and Susanna Hoffs' and Jenna Fischer's love child.

5. Describe yourself using only 3 words.
I fucking rule.

6. Name one chick flick you actually enjoyed.
Dirty Dancing. Clearly.
Oh, Ian. You're such a girl.

7. Batman, Superman or Spider-Man? Why?
Spider-Man is the shit. Batman is a fucking pussy. He's a psycho-quasi ninja who has daddy issues. Shoot his face point blank, he's toast. Superman? Kryptonite pretty much kills him. He sucks. Spider-Man? He simply rules. Not only did he date the smoking hot Gwen Stacy, but he married the 'curtain matching the drapes' Mary Jane. Last I checked Lois Lane was a butterface and Batman's gay. You heard it here first.
Well, I totally disagree. Batman has the Batmobile, the Batcave, Catwoman, and a super sexy black suit with a cape. He clearly wins. Obviously, I'm talking about Christian Bale as Batman, but that's not the point.

8. They're making a movie about your teen years. What's it called?
A Tale That Wasn't Right

9. You're on Death Row. What will you order for your last meal?
Cheeseburger Macaroni Hamburger Helper
This makes me laugh.

10. Tell us a joke.
What's the difference between canoes and Jews?
Canoes tip.

I am Jew. Hear me roar. Rawr.


MommyLovesStilettos said...

LMAO @ The canoe joke!!! Ian rocks!!

Cathy said...

Holy crap it's Ian's face!

Ian does rule, this much I know. Also, Spiderman is the shit. Ian, you would love our guest bath....it's all spiderman. Come take a crap in it sometime.

Unknown said...

LOL... he's a man and you said SEX. The only thing that will make him stop thinking about sex is Sportscenter... and maybe not even then.

I love James Hetfield. The man, not the penis.

Umm... BATMAN, I mean seriously Christian Bale.

Anonymous said...

LOL Oh Ian...

Unknown said...

haha great questions and answers! I like man bloggers. I think I relate to them better! haha

Ian said...

People? I read comics. Not the crap they put on the silver screen.

Thanks for hosting my ramblings.

I am also available for parties, make a wishes, weddings, funerals, and bar mitzvahs.

Anonymous said...

First off...RAWR, Ian...I'm just going to reiterate the open invitation for you to hump my leg An-ee-time.

Second...still laughing over the Jew Canoe joke. Funny shit...as always. xox

Anonymous said...

Ian rocks! I will never look at James Hetfield the same.

TLF said...

Not a fan.

Macey said...

OMG. Ian is hawt.
Number 9 almost made me lose my coffee.

Ed said...

Good stuff dude.

Unknown said...

I love Ian!!! That was great!!

Kelly @ turned UP to ELEVEN! said...

Batman hands down - Ian we have to talk about this... I mean really...

James.. I almost peed thinking about that. I am going to guess you decided to drop that name once they dropped their balls.

Great idea Girl, keep these coming!!!

Mrs. Match said...

lol, awesomesauce! I love this guy, I'm a new follower of his blog. Love his humor, love his jokes. I'm with you though, Batman is sexiest. But maybe that's because Tobey MacQuire just doesn't do it for me.

Dezzy Lou Where Are You said...


Unknown said...

James??!! LOL!!!

tara said...

Cheeseburger hamburger helper? Really, Ian? Barf.

SurferWife said...

My son hates Spiderman, therefore his word is gold to me. In his words,

"Only babies and dicks like Spiderman."

Yes, I let my 9 year old son say things like 'dick'

And my translation of Jason's words are as follows:

Ian likes Spiderman therefore he must have a baby dick

adrienzgirl said...

Even if the Spider Man answer and the canoe joke were the shit, the fact that your death row meal would be hamburger helper negates all your coolness. Just sayin'

Clare and Gary said...

What is hamburger helper..? (says the British girl)

Of course Batman is way more cool.. Black rubber suit.. errhemm

Nice to 'meet' you Ian.. will nip over for a squizz at your blog now ;-)

Anonymous said...

Batman is much better than Spiderman. Tobey Maguire vs. Christian Bale??? Pfft.

Michelle Pixie said...

He does rule! That I can attest too.

PBJdreamer said...

Oooooo a picture


oh my

and spider man does rule, something about shooting out those webs hee hee

James scares me--

that is all

Gucci Mama said...

Quite possibly the most amazing blog in the history of the internet, and I'm at least 70% sure that's not the morphine talking.

PBJdreamer said...

Clare and Gary--Hamburger Helper is a boxed mix that includes everything you need to make a skillet supper except the hamburger.

You brown the hamburger, drain and add the boxed ingredients--pasta, water, mix and cook together.

It is a relatively cheap meal. Thus the "funny" that Ian would pick it for a last meal.

That will be two pounds and fifty pence for my explanation services

thank you
that is all

Mrs. M said...

Love this post!!!

Marlene said...

Heeheehee!!! Vewwwy entertaining.

ashley @ little miss momma said...

This is awesome! I am pretty sure not a single guy reads my blog, lol!

Karen M. Peterson said...

Ian's funny! Thanks for the introduction!

He's totally wrong, though. Batman is THE man. Seriously. Does Spider-Man have a car? Didn't think so.

KLZ said...

Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst both suck so hard. Whereas Christian Bale is awesome and Maggie Gyllenhaal is a good actress despite her...face...stuff.

I have no thoughts on the actual Spiderman/Batman thing though.

jennykate77 said...

Batman is SO much cooler. He has a BATmobile...and a BAT cave. He can say cool things like "you wanna take a ride in my Batmobile?"

I'm going to venture to say that the other two guys answers will be very similar.

Ian, the funny man.

Anonymous said...

LOVE Ian and this interview rocked!

Hutch said...

And now I get the hamburger helper reference!

Aunt Crazy said...

I've loved Ian for awhile, can't believe I haven't been to your blog before. Pardon me while I take a look around!

The Random Blogette said...

Wow! I was surprised that Jenna Fischer was on the list too. I thought it was always just Susanna Hoffs!

Cluttered Brain said...

Wow. how did I miss this interview?
Love it.
That's a REAL pic of you?

Niiice one.
And Spiderman does ROCK.
Mainly for that upside down in the rain kiss he does...

Andrea said...

Not all Jews are like canoes, ya know? ;) And I thought you'd say the Jew Superhero peeps are the bestest. Or the coolest. Or some sh!t like that. ;)