A couple of months ago I couldn't think of anything to blog about, so I asked my readers for help. Even though I never got around to the questions and suggestions I was given, I did save every last email. Tonight, I'm finally getting around to one of them. The super awesome Impulsive Addict said, "Share a blogging pet peeve." Instead of one, here's eight. Be thankful I stopped myself when I did.
1. Don't blog about the exact same thing over and over. You can have a niche without driving it into the ground. Haven't you heard that variety is the spice of life? Or is that paprika?
2. Share pics of your wedding one time and one time only. Thirteen times is twelve too many.
3. I know we aren't all HTML experts. I know we all can't afford fancy blog makeovers. However, there's no excuse for having an ugly blog. Do you really have to use stripes, florals and neons together while Yanni flutes it up in the background? If it hurts my eyes or hurts my ears, I'm not reading.
4. For the love of God, link your email address to your blog! Link your email address to your blog! Link your email address to your blog! If you don't know what I'm talking about, you probably shouldn't even have a blog.
5. Don't use your blog to say something to someone that you wouldn't say to their face. You call it being passive aggressive. I call it being a snooty bitch. Who says snooty anyway? Old ladies who watch The Golden Girls, that's who.
6. Don't talk about how much blog stats, blog followers and blog comments don't matter to you. We all know you're lying. It's ok to admit you're a whore for internet love. Here, let me start. "I'm a whore for internet love!" I feel so much better now.
7. Don't blog about your perfect man, perfect kids, perfect pets, perfect house, perfect job, perfect hair, perfect wardrobe, and perfect little life without mentioning something not so perfect every once in a while. Tell us about the time you fell down the stairs. Tell us about the time you yelled at your hubby for not taking out the trash. Tell us about the time your toddler drove you to drink because she wouldn't use the potty. Tell us about the time you had a meltdown because your mother-in-law said she didn't like your living room decor. Tell us about the time your best friend said she hated your hair. Tell us about that horrible first date with the guy who wore socks with sandals. Hell, tell us anything that lets us know you're real. Seriously, if you went on a date with a guy who wore socks with sandals, tell me about it because that shit is hilars!
8. Oh, here's a good one. I hate anonymous spam comments.
Here is one from today. "If уou will difficulty tо bring back уоur ex boyfriend encourage a cheap retarded trolley could bе what уou constraint to be struck by tо find out yоur ex boyfriend back. Without put on ice this may peradventure turn on the waterworks faulty ambiguous but in factors іt essentially iѕn't." Excuse my French, but what the fuck does that even mean? What is the point of sending me this? There was a link attached, but I will will not click it for fear of catching The Dreaded Herpes. You do know you can get Herpes from the internets, right?
Here's another example. This one isn't word for word, but you get the point. "Great post. It was so informative. Please check out my site. We sell handmade shirts in Japan which feature kinky sex acts on them, if you're interested." Ok, first of all, I'm not interested. Second of all, how are you ever going to successfully promote your company with an anonymous comment with NO LINK in it? If you're going to send me random, dirty spam, at least figure out how to do it right!
Now that I'm done, I can only imagine the hits and spam comments I'll get from mentioning socks with sandals, whores for internet love, Herpes, kinky sex acts, snooty bitches, The Golden Girls, cheap retarded trolleys, and weddings. While I'm at it, I'm going to throw in nude Britney Spears, nude Justin Bieber, nude Britney Spears and Justin Bieber together, topless girls, and FREE iPADS for ALL! That ought to do it.
The cast of The Avengers approves this message.